I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long.. I've been away in Florida on vacation for almost two weeks. I only have a moment now to before I get ready for my work day. Being in sunshine and on the beach, seeing dolphins and manatees and all sorts of beautiful birds, herons and pelicans, after this horrible winter has lifted my spirits so that I actually feel normal again. (Tho nothing about pregnancy feels remotely normal).
The most exciting things that have happened in the past 2 weeks are that I can feel the babies moving.. tiny little rolls and pokes almost too faint to feel. It's a very strange experience, let me tell you. I look forward to it, but its also taking some getting used to. I have actually been feeling movement since the 13th week believe it or not, I just wasn't positive.
The other exciting thing is that my belly is getting biiiiig. Like bIIIIIG. One of my clients guessed that I was pregnant. I thought that would not happen yet, because I had a belly that looked a bit pregnant even before I got pregnant. But she caught me rubbing my stomach, the one and only time I have ever done that pregnancy related rub.. she is very observant. She was very happy for me, but I think there will be fallout, especially since I went away on vacation immediately after. And she has abandonment issues. Well, I am off to see her now. Must go.
3/7/11
13 weeks, 4 days.
I hope someone wants the crinone... Don't be shy.
Today was good because after it rained for almost 24 hours we no longer have several feet of frozen ex-snow, but are left with inches. It was sunny and I took a walk with my honey and felt some hope that the horrible horrible winter with its lonely days and nights of cabin fever and gray and such a difficult start to this blessed pregnancy, with a return of depression and fear and lack of joy that I have not experienced in ten years, would maybe be over... some sunshine and physical movement gave me hope. It has been such a blow to me to not be able to feel the joy of being pregnant. How bizarre. I'm having more happy moments, between the tears.
On the cheering walk we stopped at a little food place and shared a tuna melt and I had a cup of matzo ball soup with a giant fluffy matzoh ball. My appetite is coming back a bit, in fits and starts between the nausea, and that sandwich and soup tasted like the best food I have ever eaten. I have actually lost weight since I became pregnant, about 8 pounds. More bizarre experiences for me.. I am a total foodie and I love to cook, and I am also a bit of an overeater, but food has just been gross in general for several months now, and forget cooking. I felt sorry for my honey and got it together to make two quiches, so he would have something, poor guy, and I hadn't realized that onions would make me gag, so I never ate any at all. Sigh. I realize that now the babies are entering an intense growing phase, so I pray that I can eat.
Saw the babies at the Nuchal Translucency screening last week, and they were looking a lot more like babies than the little squirmy "teddy grahams" (that's what one of my RE's nurses called them.. I said "I will never eat teddy grahams again")they were a few weeks back. I felt more connected to them this time, they are getting realer and realer. I am very grateful to say that the NT tests had good results, and the babies are measuring as they should be. Thank god. Finally really got a good look at twin b who has a slower heart rate (in the 150's) than twin a,(160's) and measures a tiny bit smaller. This is a great relief as we had never actually gotten a heart rate on her/him, or a proper measurement.
So, I can finally no longer sleep on my stomach... I was hoping it would last forever, who was I kidding? I can sort of do it if I bend one knee and kind of brace myself. Hm. The belly is getting bigger, tho it's hard to see distinctly with me because I have a padding of belly fat already, but boy can I feel it, its hard, and swollen feeling. Sometimes when I am lying still, I swear I can feel movements in there... can't be sure yet. I am starting to feel excited.
My honey and I are taking off for ten days to Sarasota.. I can't wait for sun and hopefully I can swim, I am really a water baby. Which reminds me, I keep hearing from the nurse and now my doula, that because I have twins, I wont be allowed to do a water birth. I am livid! So sick of the medicalization of birth issues. I have been watching beautiful water deliveries of twins on video. They say this before knowing if I will have any complications. I need to explore this more with the doula we just hired, who I really like. I will report back. Anyway, I am hoping for a recognizable furthering of spring when I return from sunny Florida, and a further lifting of my depression.
Today was good because after it rained for almost 24 hours we no longer have several feet of frozen ex-snow, but are left with inches. It was sunny and I took a walk with my honey and felt some hope that the horrible horrible winter with its lonely days and nights of cabin fever and gray and such a difficult start to this blessed pregnancy, with a return of depression and fear and lack of joy that I have not experienced in ten years, would maybe be over... some sunshine and physical movement gave me hope. It has been such a blow to me to not be able to feel the joy of being pregnant. How bizarre. I'm having more happy moments, between the tears.
On the cheering walk we stopped at a little food place and shared a tuna melt and I had a cup of matzo ball soup with a giant fluffy matzoh ball. My appetite is coming back a bit, in fits and starts between the nausea, and that sandwich and soup tasted like the best food I have ever eaten. I have actually lost weight since I became pregnant, about 8 pounds. More bizarre experiences for me.. I am a total foodie and I love to cook, and I am also a bit of an overeater, but food has just been gross in general for several months now, and forget cooking. I felt sorry for my honey and got it together to make two quiches, so he would have something, poor guy, and I hadn't realized that onions would make me gag, so I never ate any at all. Sigh. I realize that now the babies are entering an intense growing phase, so I pray that I can eat.
Saw the babies at the Nuchal Translucency screening last week, and they were looking a lot more like babies than the little squirmy "teddy grahams" (that's what one of my RE's nurses called them.. I said "I will never eat teddy grahams again")they were a few weeks back. I felt more connected to them this time, they are getting realer and realer. I am very grateful to say that the NT tests had good results, and the babies are measuring as they should be. Thank god. Finally really got a good look at twin b who has a slower heart rate (in the 150's) than twin a,(160's) and measures a tiny bit smaller. This is a great relief as we had never actually gotten a heart rate on her/him, or a proper measurement.
So, I can finally no longer sleep on my stomach... I was hoping it would last forever, who was I kidding? I can sort of do it if I bend one knee and kind of brace myself. Hm. The belly is getting bigger, tho it's hard to see distinctly with me because I have a padding of belly fat already, but boy can I feel it, its hard, and swollen feeling. Sometimes when I am lying still, I swear I can feel movements in there... can't be sure yet. I am starting to feel excited.
My honey and I are taking off for ten days to Sarasota.. I can't wait for sun and hopefully I can swim, I am really a water baby. Which reminds me, I keep hearing from the nurse and now my doula, that because I have twins, I wont be allowed to do a water birth. I am livid! So sick of the medicalization of birth issues. I have been watching beautiful water deliveries of twins on video. They say this before knowing if I will have any complications. I need to explore this more with the doula we just hired, who I really like. I will report back. Anyway, I am hoping for a recognizable furthering of spring when I return from sunny Florida, and a further lifting of my depression.
3/2/11
Crinone to Give Away
We were short a few Crinone doses to complete our protocol, and found that the cost for those would be the same $50 insurance copayment as two whole boxes..That stuff is expensive at over $20 a dose! So I ordered two boxes figuring some internet sister could use some free Crinone. I have a full unopened box of 15 and an open box of 11 (of course the actual Crinone sticks are unopened), left. Its all brand new.. just got it. And lordy I am glad to be seeing the last of it however important it was to the present survival of this pregnancy, hallelujah, I'm done with it!!
Just leave some contact info in the comments, of send me an email at birdolove@gmail.com.
Just leave some contact info in the comments, of send me an email at birdolove@gmail.com.
2/19/11
Adopting Pets After IVF Losses
I have noticed that people (including myself) tend to adopt pets after an IVF loss. I have seen it several times in blogs, and one of my clients adopted two cats after a twin miscarriage. I adopted two kittens after my failed IVF last March. I already had a cat. The kittens, who are almost a year old now, have given me endless hours of love, joy and entertainment. They are also a lot of work and big presences in a small house. I have often wondered, sitting in my itty bitty home, why I adopted two, instead of one.
The overt story is that my husband and I went to the local SPCA after impatiently waiting 6 weeks after our failed IVF for "kitten season" to begin, and after sitting for an hour in a little room full of tiny kittens crawling all over us, we had attached to two different little ones. When we realized this, we traded kittens, and attempting to be open to each others point of view, proceeded to fall in love with each others kitten. Sigh. It was my idea to leave with both. Now that I love them, I don't want to think of not having had one of them, but honestly, it was one kitten too many. We have too many cats. I had such a strong maternal need at hat moment, and maybe my honey had a paternal one.
The not so overt reason, possibly, that we have two kittens, may be that I had this fantasy of having twins... whether it was a wish or a foretelling, who knows.
What has come up now, with my twin pregnancy, is that I feel crowded, claustrophobic, and like there are/will be too many critters in the house. I am faced with the difficult possibility of perhaps giving away one of thebabies cats. This is close to unimaginable for me. Of course it would have to be to someone I know. But still, I feel like I am doing something awful. I may not be able to do it.
On the pregnancy front, I have finally met one of the OB's in the practice I am using, and I liked him a lot. He seemed laid back and accessible. I have one more to meet. They both deliver at a local birthing center that has birthing tubs and a nice porch with rocking chairs (among other amenities). I have been told that if I have complications that force me to give birth in the nearby hospital with the level 3 NICU, I won't have either of them (I'll have some unknown dr). I'm not so crazy about that idea. I also will be seeing a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist at the fancy hospital. She will do the Nuchal Translucency test there soon, in the next two weeks. I am at 11 weeks 2 days now.
We did a very quick scan on Friday, mostly because I told the Dr I was panicking and not convinced I was pregnant anymore.. why you ask? because I found that I could sleep on my stomach again, comfortably. Plus I wasn't nauseous for a day or two. Anyway, there are still two babies in there, one of whom was flipping around like a gymnast. I really hope that's normal, and not an indicator of a hyper child! So, all appears to be well in there. That's good.
The overt story is that my husband and I went to the local SPCA after impatiently waiting 6 weeks after our failed IVF for "kitten season" to begin, and after sitting for an hour in a little room full of tiny kittens crawling all over us, we had attached to two different little ones. When we realized this, we traded kittens, and attempting to be open to each others point of view, proceeded to fall in love with each others kitten. Sigh. It was my idea to leave with both. Now that I love them, I don't want to think of not having had one of them, but honestly, it was one kitten too many. We have too many cats. I had such a strong maternal need at hat moment, and maybe my honey had a paternal one.
The not so overt reason, possibly, that we have two kittens, may be that I had this fantasy of having twins... whether it was a wish or a foretelling, who knows.
What has come up now, with my twin pregnancy, is that I feel crowded, claustrophobic, and like there are/will be too many critters in the house. I am faced with the difficult possibility of perhaps giving away one of the
On the pregnancy front, I have finally met one of the OB's in the practice I am using, and I liked him a lot. He seemed laid back and accessible. I have one more to meet. They both deliver at a local birthing center that has birthing tubs and a nice porch with rocking chairs (among other amenities). I have been told that if I have complications that force me to give birth in the nearby hospital with the level 3 NICU, I won't have either of them (I'll have some unknown dr). I'm not so crazy about that idea. I also will be seeing a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist at the fancy hospital. She will do the Nuchal Translucency test there soon, in the next two weeks. I am at 11 weeks 2 days now.
We did a very quick scan on Friday, mostly because I told the Dr I was panicking and not convinced I was pregnant anymore.. why you ask? because I found that I could sleep on my stomach again, comfortably. Plus I wasn't nauseous for a day or two. Anyway, there are still two babies in there, one of whom was flipping around like a gymnast. I really hope that's normal, and not an indicator of a hyper child! So, all appears to be well in there. That's good.
2/13/11
10.5 weeks
I know it's been over two weeks since I posted, but I have really been feeling lousy. In fact I just had a cry that started when I was telling my husband how bad I felt, and I saw his dear kind eyes looking sympathetically at me. I feel so alone in this incredibly uncomfortable body, and I find myself trying to convey how I feel to him all the time, which ends up sounding like endless complaining, making me feel even worse about myself. It was wonderful to see him really listening just now.
I always had a fantasy that being pregnant would be a voluptuous, sexy, amazing, earth mama experience. I really looked forward to it. I haven't felt anything like that. Early on, I was overwhelmed with panic and depression. Then a back spasm that took over my world, leaving me helpless with agony, and unable to stand up without help. For the last weeks I have been overcome with nausea and profound fatigue. This is in addition to a general feeling of achiness in my whole body, pretty constant uterine cramping and uncomfortable swollen feeling, headaches, and a constant stuffed nose. The nausea and fatigue are the worst. I get up in the morning and never reach that "I'm awake" place. Soon after getting up, I want to go back to sleep. I feel heavy and unmotivated. Not like depression, just tired! And the nausea is on and off all day. I am overwhelmed by it. Lately it's been the worst at dinner time, and I'm sick before, during and after eating. I don't understand how other pregnant women manage to keep working at this point. I only work one or two days a week, and drag myself there, but the rest of the time can't get myself focused on anything. I am so frustrated. I feel like a useless lump. I have a lot of work to do, and haven't done anything since I started this cycle in November! I can't concentrate at all. The physicality of it all has just blown me away. I haven't had room for the rest. I have had a day here and there when I felt better, and boy what a contrast! blue sky's and birdsong it felt like. I really hope there is some relief in sight, because between this and this unbelievably white winter all around imprisoning me, I feel like gnawing at my arms and legs to get me out of this trap!
I have also been very scared about mothering twins. I have always been a one on one type of person, and have imagined bonding with one baby. I am having trouble imagining sharing my focus between two. How can I give each of then enough contact and attention? Also, how will I get around! No taxi rides to meet friends with these babies! Stuck in the house is more like it.
This whole past year or so, when I was doing the IVF, I would fantasize about twins, I really wanted twins. I feel like I put that longing out in to the universe big time. There is a part of me that feels happy and content with this outcome, but I have been keyed in to the fear and trepidation lately, probably because I feel so sick all the time. On top of it all my honey lost his job in the fall and is still unemployed, and this is causing me a lot of anxiety.
Some good news, I am finally done with the Progesterone in oil injections. What a relief. In the last weeks I had gotten so I couldn't stand them at all. My honey and I had figured out how to do them so they weren't too bad, but I was just burnt out, and my hip area was so sore.
I also did graduate from my RE's office, and got one last sonogram at 9 weeks. Saw one of the tiny babes actually wiggling, which was very exciting.
I met with a nurse in my new OB's office last week, and had no exam, just a million questions. I feel OK about their handling me as an high risk pregnancy. They are willing to try to keep me on track to give birth vaginally, in a birthing center, as long as there are no major complications, and the babies stay put past 36 weeks. Otherwise there is a back up hospital nearby with a level 3 NICU. The OB I have chosen works with midwives on his staff. I haven't met him yet. I will have an appointment with his partner this week, meeting him next time. I will also be seeing a Maternal-Fetal medicine specialist.
In case I haven't made it clear, I am high risk because I am 49, pregnant with twins, and I am about 285 pounds. So far I haven't encountered any judgmental attitudes about my age or weight, but I am afraid of them! My mother is the only one who harps on such things, and that's her way, she loves me more than anything else on the planet.
Which reminds me. Valentines day is tomorrow, and that is the day, as my mother reminds me every year, that I was first placed in her arms, at the Children's Aid Society adoption agency. She says it was the happiest day of her life. She always makes me feel so loved and wanted when she tells me this story! Big love for my mom!!!
Happy Valentines day to all of you, (especially all you moms and pre-moms with that longing in your hearts). May you all be filled with love and joy.
I always had a fantasy that being pregnant would be a voluptuous, sexy, amazing, earth mama experience. I really looked forward to it. I haven't felt anything like that. Early on, I was overwhelmed with panic and depression. Then a back spasm that took over my world, leaving me helpless with agony, and unable to stand up without help. For the last weeks I have been overcome with nausea and profound fatigue. This is in addition to a general feeling of achiness in my whole body, pretty constant uterine cramping and uncomfortable swollen feeling, headaches, and a constant stuffed nose. The nausea and fatigue are the worst. I get up in the morning and never reach that "I'm awake" place. Soon after getting up, I want to go back to sleep. I feel heavy and unmotivated. Not like depression, just tired! And the nausea is on and off all day. I am overwhelmed by it. Lately it's been the worst at dinner time, and I'm sick before, during and after eating. I don't understand how other pregnant women manage to keep working at this point. I only work one or two days a week, and drag myself there, but the rest of the time can't get myself focused on anything. I am so frustrated. I feel like a useless lump. I have a lot of work to do, and haven't done anything since I started this cycle in November! I can't concentrate at all. The physicality of it all has just blown me away. I haven't had room for the rest. I have had a day here and there when I felt better, and boy what a contrast! blue sky's and birdsong it felt like. I really hope there is some relief in sight, because between this and this unbelievably white winter all around imprisoning me, I feel like gnawing at my arms and legs to get me out of this trap!
I have also been very scared about mothering twins. I have always been a one on one type of person, and have imagined bonding with one baby. I am having trouble imagining sharing my focus between two. How can I give each of then enough contact and attention? Also, how will I get around! No taxi rides to meet friends with these babies! Stuck in the house is more like it.
This whole past year or so, when I was doing the IVF, I would fantasize about twins, I really wanted twins. I feel like I put that longing out in to the universe big time. There is a part of me that feels happy and content with this outcome, but I have been keyed in to the fear and trepidation lately, probably because I feel so sick all the time. On top of it all my honey lost his job in the fall and is still unemployed, and this is causing me a lot of anxiety.
Some good news, I am finally done with the Progesterone in oil injections. What a relief. In the last weeks I had gotten so I couldn't stand them at all. My honey and I had figured out how to do them so they weren't too bad, but I was just burnt out, and my hip area was so sore.
I also did graduate from my RE's office, and got one last sonogram at 9 weeks. Saw one of the tiny babes actually wiggling, which was very exciting.
I met with a nurse in my new OB's office last week, and had no exam, just a million questions. I feel OK about their handling me as an high risk pregnancy. They are willing to try to keep me on track to give birth vaginally, in a birthing center, as long as there are no major complications, and the babies stay put past 36 weeks. Otherwise there is a back up hospital nearby with a level 3 NICU. The OB I have chosen works with midwives on his staff. I haven't met him yet. I will have an appointment with his partner this week, meeting him next time. I will also be seeing a Maternal-Fetal medicine specialist.
In case I haven't made it clear, I am high risk because I am 49, pregnant with twins, and I am about 285 pounds. So far I haven't encountered any judgmental attitudes about my age or weight, but I am afraid of them! My mother is the only one who harps on such things, and that's her way, she loves me more than anything else on the planet.
Which reminds me. Valentines day is tomorrow, and that is the day, as my mother reminds me every year, that I was first placed in her arms, at the Children's Aid Society adoption agency. She says it was the happiest day of her life. She always makes me feel so loved and wanted when she tells me this story! Big love for my mom!!!
Happy Valentines day to all of you, (especially all you moms and pre-moms with that longing in your hearts). May you all be filled with love and joy.
1/26/11
2 Heartbeats!
Drove an hour in the snow to finally see two beautiful babies in there..with wonderful heartbeats, both beating at 153 bpm. One measured 7w3d and one 7w5d. And then drove an hour back. It has been snowstorms for every single sonogram.. 3 in a row. Now we are home with our sonogram picture, and a video that we took on my iphone. I highly recommend videoing your sonograms.. very exciting. I was going to post it but there was no way I could do it without including identifying information. So here is our pic of both twins inside their gestational sacs with yolk sacs, too. The yolk sacs are the little round things. The embryo on the right is very easy to see, above the yolk sac, and you can even see arm and leg buds! Wow. This all happens very very fast.
So I'm off to the city to work, and do my supervision groups and see friends. I'll be there for the whole weekend, an escape from my little cabin-fever inducing cottage. One of my peers is expecting a baby with his girlfriend in February, and they are having a baby shower brunch in the village. I'm totally chuffed that someone I know, who is my age is becoming a parent the same year that I (hopefully) will. He is 51.. I'm sure his ladylove is younger.
I'm feeling better than I have been, the depression seems like it's lifting, and I have a little tiny bit more energy. And I have been feeling excited. Finally. It's very good. Your comments have been really helping me through.. you are all SO GREAT!!!
1/25/11
Pregnant, Newlywed Almost-50-year-old... Bwahahaha
Ahhh all of your wonderful posts, ICLW and otherwise, are truly a balm for my heart. Thank you for supporting my feelings, and thank you for being cheerleaders for the wonderful embryos I am incubating! The joy, when I allow myself to feel it, is almost blinding. It has only lasted split seconds so far, but I guess that's good because otherwise I might just be completely vaporized by it.
Despite intermittent blasts of joy, I realize I am in the throes of a depression. Not a deep deep one, but an uncomfortable, hormonal, emotional, puddle of yuck that is totally exacerbated by the fact that I have absolutely no energy, am nauseated many hours per day, and that I live in a tiny cabin buried under endless snow right about now, in a town where I have acquaintances but no friends. I could really use a friend or two at this very strange, new, confusing and amazing time in my life. I am a person who usually has wonderful, intense one-on-one friendships which sustain me, and I am just plain bereft at this time in my life.
Being totally new to being married, I think I'm having trouble integrating my old life of wonderful friendships with this new state. Plus I moved away from NYC... into this married life, and somehow just haven't made new friends. Boo. I just haven't got the hang of what one does with brand new people.. My mother, who is the queen of dinner parties, says, throw a dinner party.. of course she's right, but my style is different, I don't really like groups of people that I don't know very well.. while I love groups of dear friends.. I throw a marathon 3 day weekend party around twice a year for a group of beloveds from my past, most from my gestalt training program, and a few from way back in teenage days when I was a regular in Washington Square park. These are very fun and wild and amazing weekends, then everyone goes back to the city. Except me. I'm discovering that I am pretty shy around very new people, that's a fact.
Besides all of this, This life now is so very different from spending hmm about the last 15-20 years totally focused on myself, and on building a career as a private practice psychotherapist. I was totally one-pointed and gave it everything I had. I was also quite lonely (which is a terrible thing to suffer), and wished for a mate, but there was a huge satisfaction in creating my life's work.
There was a point a while back when in one of my prayer/meditation states I owned up to the fact that I had completely indulged myself for years, in totally minute examination and focus on my own emotional and spiritual life, and on following any and all self centered pleasures and pursuits, and that I was ready and willing, finally, to give my time and energy to another human being or beings. Well look at what happened!
I just feel all unbalanced at this point, especially with this pregnancy, it is an embarrassment of riches, as it looks like I am receiving all of my dearest wishes coming true. It's just throwing me all off! Who am I again??? And trying to find a peer group who can relate to a pregnant, newlywed almost-50-year-old... bwahahaha. Ok I know there are a few of you out there who can probably relate. Thank god for the internet.
I'm 7 weeks 5 days today. Day after tomorrow we will go for a sonogram to see if we can see a heartbeat from the second babe. This is all such a miracle.
Despite intermittent blasts of joy, I realize I am in the throes of a depression. Not a deep deep one, but an uncomfortable, hormonal, emotional, puddle of yuck that is totally exacerbated by the fact that I have absolutely no energy, am nauseated many hours per day, and that I live in a tiny cabin buried under endless snow right about now, in a town where I have acquaintances but no friends. I could really use a friend or two at this very strange, new, confusing and amazing time in my life. I am a person who usually has wonderful, intense one-on-one friendships which sustain me, and I am just plain bereft at this time in my life.
Being totally new to being married, I think I'm having trouble integrating my old life of wonderful friendships with this new state. Plus I moved away from NYC... into this married life, and somehow just haven't made new friends. Boo. I just haven't got the hang of what one does with brand new people.. My mother, who is the queen of dinner parties, says, throw a dinner party.. of course she's right, but my style is different, I don't really like groups of people that I don't know very well.. while I love groups of dear friends.. I throw a marathon 3 day weekend party around twice a year for a group of beloveds from my past, most from my gestalt training program, and a few from way back in teenage days when I was a regular in Washington Square park. These are very fun and wild and amazing weekends, then everyone goes back to the city. Except me. I'm discovering that I am pretty shy around very new people, that's a fact.
Besides all of this, This life now is so very different from spending hmm about the last 15-20 years totally focused on myself, and on building a career as a private practice psychotherapist. I was totally one-pointed and gave it everything I had. I was also quite lonely (which is a terrible thing to suffer), and wished for a mate, but there was a huge satisfaction in creating my life's work.
There was a point a while back when in one of my prayer/meditation states I owned up to the fact that I had completely indulged myself for years, in totally minute examination and focus on my own emotional and spiritual life, and on following any and all self centered pleasures and pursuits, and that I was ready and willing, finally, to give my time and energy to another human being or beings. Well look at what happened!
I just feel all unbalanced at this point, especially with this pregnancy, it is an embarrassment of riches, as it looks like I am receiving all of my dearest wishes coming true. It's just throwing me all off! Who am I again??? And trying to find a peer group who can relate to a pregnant, newlywed almost-50-year-old... bwahahaha. Ok I know there are a few of you out there who can probably relate. Thank god for the internet.
I'm 7 weeks 5 days today. Day after tomorrow we will go for a sonogram to see if we can see a heartbeat from the second babe. This is all such a miracle.
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