Joyous Birdie: July 2012

7/3/12

All is Well

I've been wanting to update since, well September... but having a baby really doesn't leave room in my life for all of those lovely introspective, fill-the-hours things like blogging, anymore. I'm lucky that I had so many years of self indulgence! I hadn't read a book either since pregnancy, until I got wise and started downloading books onto my iphone. The only time I have to read is during nursing when I can't hold a book because I need my hands, or right after when he's fallen asleep, and its dark. So I am glad for my iphone.
This will be really short, because its 2 AM and the only reason I'm not asleep is that I ate chocolate and I'm buzzed on the caffeine.
I am so in love with my little boy. I love being a mommy MORE than I ever dreamed I would. Nurturing a child is the most delicious thing ever. That said, when I make parenting mistakes, its so very scary, he's so precious and open and vulnerable. Tho he does seem to recover from any and all booboo's very quickly.
My boy is ten months old now. He is such a Leo, totally outgoing, smiling and calling out to people he see's(it really seems like mostly pretty young women!) and charming them. He is strong and energetic and happy. He sings and loves animals and waves bye-bye and this week he has taken a few staggering steps letting go of what he was holding onto in the playground and throwing himself into my arms. This week he started to dance for the first time to music we had on. He also clapped his hands for the first time. (now he claps every time he nurses!LOL.) So much has happened this week. He is evolving so fast its dizzying.
Here are a few recent pics of my Noonie (where do we get these nicknames?). Enjoy them.

A Little History

I didn't feel I was ready to have children until I had done some emotional healing of my own. This took time.

Since I was single I felt, before I had them, I had to be able to support myself and any children I had on my own. Thus, a masters in Social Work.

Post Grad study to become a psychotherapist.

This all took many years, and I was close to 40 by the time I even considered TTC alone.

Joined Single Mothers by Choice.

Asked my two best beloved male friends if they wanted to be a daddy. No, they didn't.

Researched donor sperm. Obsessively. Found the perfect donor.

Started working with a RE on west 59th Street. I was 42.

first IUI cycle canceled, because even though I was in for a sonogram practically every morning at some ungodly hour, they missed my ovulation.

Second IUI cycle. In terrible pain from trigger shot. Dr dismissed this.

Dropped out of the RE's care

Did Eleven unmedicated IUI's, All BFN's.

RE had told me they didn't work with women over 43 for IVF, I was almost 44. I was too burnt out and discouraged by the crappy doctors and feeling alone to pursue some other place.

Started researching adoption. I felt strongly that I only wanted a newborn.

Discovered that a 44 year old single woman who wanted to adopt a newborn has almost zero options.

Found a possible way I could adopt from Pakistan that would have involved me living there for up to a year. Started proceedings.

Met my honey (I was 45) and was overwhelmed with joy and love. I needed time to enjoy being in a real relationship. Postponed adoption (tho he was up for it!).

Started having mixed feelings about adoption. (we'll save that for a blog post)

TTC'd with the honey the old fashioned way for 3 years.. Tho I thought I was too old to conceive, he was hopeful.

I turn 48. I know its not happening with my own eggs. All of a sudden I open up emotionally to the possibility of donor eggs.

4/10 IVF with donor eggs. BFN

Sadly decide to switch donors.. really identified with the first one! She looked and sounded like she could be my sister. Found one who had a better success rate.

12/10 I'm now 49. DE IVF cycle #2
12/21 transfer 2 pretty blastocysts. 2 to freeze.
12/26 pos pee stick
High betas- I'm pregnant!
1/19 oh boy, it's twins!