I am in the most excruciating position I have ever been in. Both of my Dr.s are recommending that I terminate baby "B", who I now know is my little girl.
Last week I had a amniocentesis to help determine why baby B had growth restriction, hyperechoic bowel, and little amniotic fluid. They had trouble getting to her sac, and had to put the needle in six times. I can't believe I survived it. It hurt when it went in initially, and felt like a terrible piercing punch when going through my uterus, and then he would fish around, and I could feel the length of the needle through me. Once would have been bearable. The babies kicked the whole time and I kept worrying about them getting hurt by the needle. I listened to the Mahamrityunjaya Mantra on headphones and held my husbands hand. Despite feeling traumatized I also felt like a warrior.
Yesterday we were told that the results were normal, but they recommend termination. (why put us through that amnio?) The Dr's are afraid that her condition will put me at risk for early preenclampsia, and very early delivery of both babies. They want me to have a better chance with baby "A" who looks normal. He is a very cute boy by the way, I got a sonogram pic that actually shows his little face somewhat and what a sweet little face!!!
I have no idea what to do. It feels like Sophie's choice.
Will I be murdering my own sweet girl who could possibly be normal? And then carrying her body with my living baby till birth? Will I be saving the life of my boy and maybe myself? Will I ever get over the burden of this choice? why can't the doctors tell me something that will make me feel more clear?
I am having a second opinion this week. I have to make this decision within the next two weeks. Help?