Adopting Pets After IVF Losses

I have noticed that people (including myself) tend to adopt pets after an IVF loss. I have seen it several times in blogs, and one of my clients adopted two cats after a twin miscarriage. I adopted two kittens after my failed IVF last March. I already had a cat. The kittens, who are almost a year old now, have given me endless hours of love, joy and entertainment. They are also a lot of work and big presences in a small house. I have often wondered, sitting in my itty bitty home, why I adopted two, instead of one.
The overt story is that my husband and I went to the local SPCA after impatiently waiting 6 weeks after our failed IVF for "kitten season" to begin, and after sitting for an hour in a little room full of tiny kittens crawling all over us, we had attached to two different little ones. When we realized this, we traded kittens, and attempting to be open to each others point of view, proceeded to fall in love with each others kitten. Sigh. It was my idea to leave with both. Now that I love them, I don't want to think of not having had one of them, but honestly, it was one kitten too many. We have too many cats. I had such a strong maternal need at hat moment, and maybe my honey had a paternal one.
The not so overt reason, possibly, that we have two kittens, may be that I had this fantasy of having twins... whether it was a wish or a foretelling, who knows.
What has come up now, with my twin pregnancy, is that I feel crowded, claustrophobic, and like there are/will be too many critters in the house. I am faced with the difficult possibility of perhaps giving away one of the babies cats. This is close to unimaginable for me. Of course it would have to be to someone I know. But still, I feel like I am doing something awful. I may not be able to do it.

On the pregnancy front, I have finally met one of the OB's in the practice I am using, and I liked him a lot. He seemed laid back and accessible. I have one more to meet. They both deliver at a local birthing center that has birthing tubs and a nice porch with rocking chairs (among other amenities). I have been told that if I have complications that force me to give birth in the nearby hospital with the level 3 NICU, I won't have either of them (I'll have some unknown dr). I'm not so crazy about that idea. I also will be seeing a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist at the fancy hospital. She will do the Nuchal Translucency test there soon, in the next two weeks. I am at 11 weeks 2 days now.
We did a very quick scan on Friday, mostly because I told the Dr I was panicking and not convinced I was pregnant anymore.. why you ask? because I found that I could sleep on my stomach again, comfortably. Plus I wasn't nauseous for a day or two. Anyway, there are still two babies in there, one of whom was flipping around like a gymnast. I really hope that's normal, and not an indicator of a hyper child! So, all appears to be well in there. That's good.


  1. I can relate to this. We adopted a wonderful cat from the SPCA right after my first failed IVF, and he was lavished with attention until the twins were born. Then we were often annoyed with him for meowing at 4 AM, waking the babies up, or causing a ruckus to get attention. He was so sweet to the twins, though. They pulled on him and he never retaliated. He passed away a year ago, at the young age of six from cancer which our vet thinks he was born with. I feel so guilty about it, still, that we didn't give him enough attention...it's hard. If you're feeling cramped now, I guarantee it will get worse with the birth of twins...I think your instinct is right. But I realize how hard it is..good luck.

  2. Wishing you the very best with your twin pregnancy...Just take it easy and let your honey spoil you!!! I had twins 10 weeks premature (they are fine!) I would have LOVED to have kept them cooking longer! I really think I did too much before they were born.Thanks for letting me stop by your blog!

  3. Dropping by again for Feb. ICLW week.
    Come to think of it we adopted our Husky from a rescue many years before our first IVF and have 3 total Huskies, and I've considered another rescue! Hmm....I def. have been thinking about a small lap dog, that could be a "maternal" void I'm trying to fill? But then I come back to reality and know that's not possible as my youngest Husky is very possessive and I think he would attempt to hurt a puppy/small dog. =(
    Glad to hear all is going well w/the pregnancy! =)

    Happy ICLW Week!
    The C's

  4. Stopping by for ICLW (#139)...I totally get the twin/animal claustrophobia. We have two cats, a dog, and now eight-month old twins. It can definitely be crazy, but it's our own special brand of chaos!!

    I think your OB practice is wonderful to let you deliver at a birthing center! I wish I had an option like that, but we don't have any birthing centers near us. I agree with what Stacey said about taking it easy - I overdid it and got put on bedrest for four months. Wish I could go back and do it differently! Rest up as much as you can, and let everyone pamper you! You deserve it! :)

  5. Here is what I would do. Simplify.
    Do what makes you feel safe and healthy and happy and makes things easier.
    It is absolutely OK to move on from kittens to babies. It is OK to not keep the cats forever. Cats do very well in new homes.
    I am over 50 and we live in a small place so I know about how necessary it is to constantly reconsider and reduce what we have. I will bring things in and realize this is too much. It takes up too much space and energy. Or it just makes me nervous.
    Maybe your preference is not to have the cats now. It is always OK to have a preference.

  6. Huge congrats on your pregnancy and I hope you find a solution for the furbabies that makes everyone happy.

    ICLW #19

  7. We got a cat after my ectopic too! I had to BEG my landlord because he had said no pets. But I told him about our loss and he said, okay, ONE house cat. So we got one and she got us through a really, really rough summer.

    Sorry to hear that you're having a rough time in the first trimester. I'd tell you that the fatigue goes away in the famed golden age of the second trimester but I never experienced that. I hope you do! Good luck and congratulations on your twins!

    Happy ICWL! (#67)

  8. My Beloved and I were on the verge of adopting a puppy when we got pregnant with our little girl. I'm glad now that we didn't, but at the time it was a real need. I needed something to nurture.

    Congrats on your pregnancy... enjoy sleeping on your tummy while you can!

  9. I agree with an earlier commenter who said to simplify. I'll share with you that after we had our twins, we had to give away our goldfish because he was dreadfully neglected. Goldfish. Singular. I felt kind of pathetic, but it was one less thing to worry about. So I say if it makes you feel better, and you can find a good home for your kitties, go for it. Good luck!