4/19/10

Relaxing a Bit

I'm feeling a lot better. It feels good to just loose myself in daily life without thinking about my state of fertility every single second. The intensity of my focus (obsession?) was getting oppressive.

For some reason I had stopped cooking altogether for the time I was on the hormones. Isn't that strange? I think the hormones had some effects on my relationship to food.. I wasn't really hungry much, but craved junk food. It's quite possible that it was the stress of doing my first IVF cycle, however, because I tend to use food that way.
Now that I am not doing a cycle at the moment, I am eating tons of salads, and cooking lots of yummy things. Yesterday I made omlettes for my mom and some other guests visiting here, with fresh local eggs and chives I had picked nearby, goat cheese and sun dried tomatoes. They were amazing. I served them with vegetarian sausages, and cappuccinos made with organic milk (which tastes sooo much better than regular, its worth the extra $$) on the wonderful espresso machine that sweet man got me for the holidays. Last night we had gnocci with a sauce of fresh tomatoes, artichoke hearts, olive oil and a lot of garlic, served with a colorful salad. I made chocolate chip cookies for dessert.. Sweet man wanted to try a gluten free diet for a while so I made them with brown rice flour. They turned out super thin, almost like lace cookies, and stuck to the cookie sheet, but were delicious, better than regular, crispy and buttery. Yum! We ate every little crumb.
We also sat around with my mom and her boyfriend (whose combined ages are 164) and tried to answer a New York Times "Pop Quiz" entitled "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader?". Well, we're not. We were all pretty much humiliated at our lack of fifth grade knowledge. Good fun, though.

On the fertility front, this morning, on what I think was Morning Edition, I heard a poem that sounded like a list of all of what we IF's call "assvice".. the things non IFers say, in well intentioned helpfullness, to slap us out of our stupidity, and get us prgnant by, you know, "just relaxing", "just adopt and you'll get pregnant" Blah blah blah.. I was extremely surprised to hear it, since it seems like a very particular sort of "in joke" to this community, and I was very glad to hear it but, well, I can't find the poem on the NPR website anywhere! I DID hear it. Sh.....t. I wanted to link to it for ya, Oh well.

Sweet Man and I really appreciate the well informed suggestions given in my comments btw.. total opposite of assvice if you know what I mean. We are doing the chromosome test for him, and the clotting/immune tests for me. My clinic believes in the apparently controversial intralipid infusion. We are considering a different donor, tho I am not finding one that I feel as.. well related to as the one we used. Maybe give me time to re adjust. Next step for me is to have an uterine polyp removed. Sigh. I hate to do anything to traumatize my poor uterus, as I have had trauma in that area in the past and don't want to reawaken it.. but I promised myself if I didn't get pregnant this round I would try the surgery. So I am.

18 comments:

  1. So sorry to read about your BFN. That just sucks. Glad you were able to relax this weekend with your family. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way as you continue your journey.

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  2. Girl, you're making me DROOL with your food descriptions. I use food the same way, seems like when it's most important for me to eat healthier, I crave very bad thing. Good on you for moving forward with the testing and polyp surgery. I had one removed in Jan. Best of luck.

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  3. Glad you're feeling better.

    Oh! A polyp. That could definitely be the cause of the BFN. Although they are not all equal. Mostly depends on the location. I had one removed before cycling. Mine was submucosal. Right in the lining. From what I understand, with that kind nothing will implant. 2 drs referred to it as a homegrown IUD. It was removed hysteroscopically, which was really no big deal. I was kind of sore the next day, but by the day after that I was fine.

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  4. You had my mouth watering with all that delicious sounding food! Sounds as though you are settling back to a life for living! Good luck with the extremely tough decision on your donor and best of luck with the op.

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  5. Half of a Duo, Raising a DuoApril 21, 2010 at 10:15 AM

    Someone told me that once. Just adopt and you'll get pregnant. How freaking ignorant. I said "I am barren and cannot possibly carry a child so tell me how you think an immaculate conception would be possible".

    Now there's a good comeback for you when the insensitive gits come at you!

    ICLW.....

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  6. Just popping by for ICLW! I'm sorry you're having troubles. I almost never want to cook lately either...and I am SURE that it's a stress response! Big hugs!

    ICLW27

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  7. Wow that food sounds great. I am drooling. I am sorry to hear about your BFN. I hope your surgery goes well. I wish you a BFP asap.

    Happy ICLW! (#70)

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  8. Yum yum! Sun-dried tomatoes and goat cheese are heavenly together... Good luck with the surgery for the polyps. Surgery is no fun, but hopefully it will do its job.

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  9. So sorry about BFN. I hope you figure everything out soon and you can get yourself a BFP!

    Happy ICLW

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  10. The poem... I actually read it on a blog yesterday! I know it's out there (somewhere in the top 30 blogs on this months list...)

    And hormones vs food... I hear you! I have been on progesterone for a month and I have found my desire to cook totally gone. Give me bagels with nut.ella, instant rice, and watermelon. I miss cooking! And those omlettes you made sound divine!

    ICLW

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  11. Yum and hang in there lady!

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  12. I just finished a mushroom and leek omlette, and your post made me hungry again. Good luck with your surgery. I read the poem on someone else's blog this week too...

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  13. I craved McDonald's chicken nuggets during my IVF cycle.

    I plan to make those cookies! They sound so yummy!

    ICLW
    http://daega99-arewethereyet.blogspot.com/

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  14. Sorry about the BFN! Good luck with your surgery.

    ICLW

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  15. Sorry about your BFN. I can relate to the fear of surgery, but it sounds like the surgery you need would not be a big deal. But, it is still surgery, I get that.
    I wish I heard that poem on NPR, I listen a lot, must have been out of the car or away from the radio...
    Lastly, your food sounds delish! It is so wonderful to nuture oneself with healthy, good food.

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  16. sorry to hear about the BFN.

    keep cooking

    iclw #127
    findjoynow.blogspot.com

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  17. Sounds delicious... exciting to hear stuff like that on major media, no? And painted in a light that's like, "Thank you! You get it!" Wishing you best of luck in your journey!

    Happy ICLW!

    ~Miriam (ICLW #153) Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed

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  18. Glad you feel a bit better, I have done intralipid too for two cycles, if you ever need more info I'm an open book! I wish you all the best for your second attempt at DE. Much love, Fran

    ICLW

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