Oh My, Oh My

We had our 6 week scan yesterday and as soon as the image appeared on the screen I could clearly see two sacs. I said "Is that two?" I was totally shocked. I had been thinking twins, with the high betas, but somehow that scan last week with the dot had me convinced that there was only one. Oh my.

In any case we only saw one heartbeat (which was very exciting and moving to see!), but two gestational, and two yolk sacs, and the nurse said we couldn't get that good a picture, (I wondered if it was my fat in the way?)and we will look again next week for the other heartbeat. She seemed pretty positive, but I'm on pins and needles to know.

I am experiencing a great difference in the feeling of wishing for twins (which I did) and actually being faced with the reality of two inside of me! I have been panicking. Alternating between thoughts of two sweet armfuls of joy, and two screaming needy babes taking over my whole life. worrying about my lack of a support system. I'm sure there's plenty of reality in all of that, but I realize you can never know what something will really be like, till you're there.

I have had a very hard week. My body has just hurt everywhere. I'm feeling unhappy and out of touch with my joy. I haven't really felt happy about this pregnancy yet, which is pretty tragic, I so want to, I've waited so long for this. I finally came off of the steroids (Dexamethasone) which I have been suspecting of causing some of this havoc. I have always been super sensitive to drugs, particularly hormones, and prone to depression, though I had not experienced it in about ten wonderful years.

I have had terrible back pain, which was close to immobilizing for a while. For some reason my arms hurt. My breasts, of course, hurt. My neck. I have cramping on and off (always). I have sharp pains on either side of my uterus sometimes when I move or cough, that the nurse says is ligaments. I have started feeling queasy for a chunk of hours from about noon-8. I have also been spotting. If I could only feel like myself emotionally I think I would be more able to handle the rest. Is this what it's like being pregnant with twins? Oh my. What a ride.

My wonderful husband is over the moon thinking that we will have twins. "Two for the price of one, honey!" "Honey, just think, you won't have to go through this again". "Honey, this was one of the best days of my life!" He is so sweet. He also doesn't seem to get how scary it is for me to be doing this with a 49 year old out of shape body. I am praying that I get my soul back from the steroids, or the hormones, and can share in his great happiness, really soon.


  1. (((hugs)))

    I know how you are feeling. I am sorry you are having such physical ailments. I hate medications of any kind, too.

  2. Thanks Rosie for stopping by my Blog, not sure how this works, if I reply back on my Blog to you would you see it or not? So I decided to reply back on yours?!
    Yes side effects, ugh! HOT flash last night or a fever from my cold? Who knows it's all a blur!
    Funny you say that about skin improving, the Hubs just mentioned that last night! I thought he was being silly. I'll take skin improvements any day! ;)
    I hope to be right behind you with our IVF journey! You're in my thoughts!
    Take Care!
    The C's

  3. Congratulations on your pregnancy, this gives so much hope to others. Found you through LFCA. And twins, wow, I understand it's overwhelming right now. I'm sure you'll do just fine.

  4. Here from LFCA. Congrats on the twins! Thinking of you and sending you lots of well-wishes!!

  5. Congratulations, Rosie!! I completely relate to how you're feeling. I know it's not this way for everyone, but I felt awful, so queasy, exhausted, really depressed. At the same time, I felt so guilty/conflicted for feeling that way because I've wanted to have a baby for such a long time. Throw on the scared/overwhelmed feeling of expecting twins-- yikes!! I feel for you!

    Please know - it does get better. A LOT better. I'm now 16 weeks pregnant and feel back to myself again. It was not easy and I checked off the days until I got to 12 weeks. I slowly had more good days than not so good days, and now - I feel "normal".

    Hang in there. You will get through this-- I promise!

  6. Here from LFCA, congratulations! Hang in there!

  7. Congratulations!! Here's hoping you see a second heartbeat!!


  8. You have incredible happiness in front of you...just wait it out and the joyous birdie of pregnancy WILL land.

  9. I'm back - thanks for your comment on my blog, that really helped. Unfortunately I lost my previous comments (including yours) on that post in the cyber-world for some strange reason. But I get them through email so thanks again.

  10. Sorry your having a hard time with this. I always said I wanted twins so I didn't have to go through it again, but I know it would make the pregnancy and afterwards harder. Good luck next week!

  11. Thanks for your comment. This is incredible!!! Twins or not, you're PREGNANT!!!! I can understand your worry--going off your side bar, your journey has not been very easy--but try to embrace your joy, even if only in small periods of time.

    THIS IS IT! Babies!!!!

  12. Congrats and good luck! I'll be thinking about you :) I think a twins pregnancy is hard on anyone, regardless of age. I certainly had a lot of the symptoms you shared. (I had the round ligament pains bad. Those hurt.)

  13. Excited to find you on ICLW! What a miracle that you are pregnant - twins or not. I am 45 and doing my 5th IVF (DE). Hope to be in your shoes soon. Twins do terrify me, but I think we are putting back 4 embies due to our terrible results the last 4 times. Hope to get to "know" you better in the next months - good luck!

  14. Rosie:

    Congratulations to you! Twins is a wonderful, overwhelming, delightful, amazing, frightening, exciting news to take in.

    You will get used to the idea, and have a few months to make some adaptions to your plans...it will be okay!!! Of this I am certain!

    LS x