A Dot

Listening to NPR on the computer while I type, enjoying a yummy decaf coffee and a biscotti as my honey walks in and out carrying wood for our woodstove. As a lifelong New Yorker (city that is), I am always amazed that we actually heat our house entirely with wood, instead of having a super who did who-knows-what to overheat my apartment so much I kept the window open all winter. Yes I did. Now I wear sweaters and slippers and a cat or two. The laptop is also pretty warm.

I have my feet up, and have actually been pretty much glued to the armchair, because of a severe back spasm that I have had now for a few days. Pre IVF I started out as a large woman, but the hormones and steroids this time around have caused a weight gain, that combined with my now giant, sore breasts, has triggered this back issue. Ow.

We are expecting a big snowstorm tonight and tomorrow, which I am really looking forward to, tho my honey and I have an ongoing battle.. he always goes out early and shovels, and I wake up and am like hello.. you ruined the snow! I moved to the country so I could see pretty snow! He has agreed to leave it tomorrow until after I see it, and maybe go out in my boots for a gander. Tho I may have to remind him of this.

All is well and I am still pregnant as far as I can tell. Here is a very early sonogram from a few days ago.

22 dpo or 5 weeks, 1 day

It shows a gestational sac. See the little black dot under my finger? That's it. The nurse warned us that we may not see anything at all.. and also that is was too early to say whether there was more than one in there, tho it looks like just one to me. I have another scan in a week. They do one a week until I graduate (god willing) at 8 weeks.

Can you see the alien that is also apparently residing in my uterus? Oval face and long eyes? Just to the right of the dot.

I have also had 3 betas. 13 DPO 159.5, 18 DPO 1,429 and 22 DPO 6,938.1. The last beta was on the day of the scan, which is why I am OK that we couldn't see anything in the sac yet. I think these are pretty high betas, but I would love to do one of those nifty charts I've seen on other bloggers sites, comparing, but I can't find it anywhere. Anyone know where it is?

Since I last posted, I have found myself struggling to adjust to the so called "reality" that I am pregnant. See? "so called "reality"". I can't get myself to put it more definitely.

I have a full feeling in my uterus (which I have had since a few days after transfer), painful breasts, constant heartburn, and I do find sleeping anywhere, at any time, to all of a sudden be a thing I do. I have a scan of a dot. But does this add up to pregnancy? Oy. I guess I have the proof so far, but I need time to get it. I can really appreciate that most people have 9 months to get used to the whole thing before baby is here. My friend P who adopted last year, was informed that she had a baby a day before she got to go pick her up. She had struggled and waited and dreamed for 48 years to become a mother, and it happened in 24 hours. Life is amazing like that. And like this! I keep trying to comprehend that I have a growing person inside of me. Can't really do it yet, but I'm getting little flickers of it, and I'm really looking forward to the process!