Joyous Birdie: Come to Mama

12/21/10

Come to Mama

Today is the solstice, with a magical eclipse thrown in, in the wee hours this morning. I'm sitting in a lovely comfy hotel room in Syracuse, with a picture of four pretty blastocysts (and one that didn't quite get there, second from right) on the table next to me. Our transfer was this morning. We transferred two. Two will be frozen, which I am very happy about.

Our donor gave us 11 eggs, 9 were mature, and 5 fertilized. My clinic decided right away to do a day 5 transfer. They don't like to disturb the embryos so I had no idea during the week how they were doing. I was haunted with fears that they would not survive, like last time, and all our very profound and consuming efforts, emotional, physical and financial would be for nothing. As the Doc opened the door to the transfer room, he said "It's a beautiful day! You have beautiful embryos!" That was VERY good to hear!!

I am really trying to allow all my joy and hopes and pleasure in having these two embryos inside me to live and flourish. I will not, at least today, succumb to protecting my heart in a way that cuts off my life energy, and my love energy.

I send love and blessings to all of you who are awaiting and loving your children, whatever state your beautiful hearts are in.

15 comments:

AnonymousDecember 22, 2010 at 12:12 AM
How wonderful your little embabies look! After 4 1/2 years of IVF/ISCI, 14 stim cycles, 1 pregnancy that ended at 14 weeks, blah blah blah I'm pregnant again from a cycle with an anonymous ovum donor. I hope it happens for you!! ((HUGS)) for the 2ww!
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~stinkb0mb~December 22, 2010 at 3:23 AM
Here's hoping your get your BFP!

~Happy ICLW~
#14 http://themissruby.blogspot.com/

~May your Christmas be filled with Peace~
~And your New Year with Hope~
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heartinchargeDecember 22, 2010 at 3:43 AM
That's such a beautiful way to put it. Don't cut off your love energy or your life energy! Those are beautiful embies. hope they are settling in for the long haul to receive all the love energy and life energy you have to give.
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Ms. PollywogDecember 22, 2010 at 11:21 AM
"I am really trying to allow all my joy and hopes and pleasure in having these two embryos inside me to live and flourish. I will not, at least today, succumb to protecting my heart in a way that cuts off my life energy, and my love energy. "

Here's to ENJOYING the FACT that you have LIFE growing inside of you!!! All the best to you, Rosie! May this 2ww lead to having your baby (babies) in your arms!

http://funnylittlepollywogs.com
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The C'sDecember 22, 2010 at 12:14 PM
Dropping back by! Thanks for stopping by my blog!
So happy to hear about the Embabies! Sending even more sticky, stickier, the stickiest baby dust your way, best wishes on the 2WW. BFP BFP!
The C's
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LisaBDecember 22, 2010 at 12:41 PM
Congrats on being PUPO! That was a beautiful post! Sticky vibes~*~
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Whitney AndersonDecember 22, 2010 at 1:52 PM
Here from ICLW! Sending you lots of baby dust!
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ShonaDecember 22, 2010 at 3:11 PM
Four blastocysts! What lovely news. Let's hope those two are getting cosy and clinging on.

Best of luck
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SarahDecember 22, 2010 at 9:06 PM
what beautiful little blastocysts!!!
snuggle in little guys!!! Get comfortable!!

Happy ICLW!!
#50
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KathleenDecember 23, 2010 at 11:12 AM
stopping by from ICLW (#100). i was so thrilled by the soltice this year and the lunar eclipse! omg, i just read your story on the right and i'm SOOOO hoping this works out for you. i'm glad that you got some frozens out of this cycle too. i agree, don't succumb to protecting your heart. flourish in your joy!
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MoonNStarMommyDecember 23, 2010 at 8:43 PM
Grow little Embies!! GROW!!! Your Mommy & Daddy cannot wait to see your little heart or hearts beating ...

GOOD LUCK!!!

Happy ICLW from #37 and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!
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SurlyMamaDecember 24, 2010 at 2:11 PM
Good Luck, sending blessings your way!
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KimDecember 25, 2010 at 4:01 AM
Hi, stopping by for ICLW!! Wishing a BFP for you!!! Best wishes to you. Merry Christmas! ICLW #69
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JemDecember 25, 2010 at 5:29 PM
Those are some beautiful blasts!

~Jem (ICLW#5
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RochelleDecember 25, 2010 at 11:02 PM
Wow! That's so exciting! Hope you had an amazing Christmas! Here's to 2011 bringing more joy than you could have ever imagined! Lots of love from ICLW #110!
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A Little History

I didn't feel I was ready to have children until I had done some emotional healing of my own. This took time.

Since I was single I felt, before I had them, I had to be able to support myself and any children I had on my own. Thus, a masters in Social Work.

Post Grad study to become a psychotherapist.

This all took many years, and I was close to 40 by the time I even considered TTC alone.

Joined Single Mothers by Choice.

Asked my two best beloved male friends if they wanted to be a daddy. No, they didn't.

Researched donor sperm. Obsessively. Found the perfect donor.

Started working with a RE on west 59th Street. I was 42.

first IUI cycle canceled, because even though I was in for a sonogram practically every morning at some ungodly hour, they missed my ovulation.

Second IUI cycle. In terrible pain from trigger shot. Dr dismissed this.

Dropped out of the RE's care

Did Eleven unmedicated IUI's, All BFN's.

RE had told me they didn't work with women over 43 for IVF, I was almost 44. I was too burnt out and discouraged by the crappy doctors and feeling alone to pursue some other place.

Started researching adoption. I felt strongly that I only wanted a newborn.

Discovered that a 44 year old single woman who wanted to adopt a newborn has almost zero options.

Found a possible way I could adopt from Pakistan that would have involved me living there for up to a year. Started proceedings.

Met my honey (I was 45) and was overwhelmed with joy and love. I needed time to enjoy being in a real relationship. Postponed adoption (tho he was up for it!).

Started having mixed feelings about adoption. (we'll save that for a blog post)

TTC'd with the honey the old fashioned way for 3 years.. Tho I thought I was too old to conceive, he was hopeful.

I turn 48. I know its not happening with my own eggs. All of a sudden I open up emotionally to the possibility of donor eggs.

4/10 IVF with donor eggs. BFN

Sadly decide to switch donors.. really identified with the first one! She looked and sounded like she could be my sister. Found one who had a better success rate.

12/10 I'm now 49. DE IVF cycle #2
12/21 transfer 2 pretty blastocysts. 2 to freeze.
12/26 pos pee stick
High betas- I'm pregnant!
1/19 oh boy, it's twins!